


Land's sake! Granny's got her gun!

by Kuro_Guardian



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Completely bizarre omake, Crack Treated Seriously, Except for Wanda's horrible accent, Gen, No Bashing, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9412253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuro_Guardian/pseuds/Kuro_Guardian
Summary: Peggy not even lukewarm in the ground yet and Rogers running around showing his behind to the world - well Sarah is just going to have to take care of it since there isn't anyone else. Now where the hell did she put that damn shotgun?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Um, I wrote this and over fifteen thousand more words in basically one night so... Okay so I don't have a beta reader and I do spell checks/grammar checks but I probably missed something so let me know so I can fix it. That would be really helpful. Thanks for stopping by!

It’s just pass time for the postman to come by when a breaking news bulletin interrupts her stories. It takes a minute to filter through, but that might just be from the shock. Peggy not even lukewarm in the ground and there’s her old fella showing his ass and causing unnecessary commotion. And Ms. Sarah Lee-Willers nee’ Jordan of New Jersey knows that time stopped for Steven Rogers three quarters of a century ago, but even so he has to be just about thirty and that’s much too old for this tomfoolery. Old Peggy must be spinning like a top right now, and that simply isn’t right, is it? She deserves her rest and she is going to get it.

Getting up isn’t nearly as easy as it ought to be (as it used to be) but time is wasting and she really oughta get the ball rolling sooner rather than later. Somewhere around her is the phone Peggy’s boy (not really but he ought to have been) gave her that other time. Clever Anthony, or Tony as he insisted on being called, although why she couldn’t say. Anthony is a perfectly reasonable name and so distinguished. Either way she needed to call in a few of the old crowd and also to have a quick chat with that nice girl of Anthony’s – what was her name again? Something like a plant… maybe violet or rose? No it was something spicy – oh right, Pepper. Such a clever girl and butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

It takes something like thirty minutes to deal with it all and meanwhile she has found and disassembled her trusty old shot gun. Getting this through customs would be a damn nightmare if not for Pepper who seems altogether too enthusiastic about this idea. Then again the poor girl is simply gone over Anthony and it’s likely she just doesn’t want him hurt. Well, he’ll be safe as churches if all things go according to plan – which probably means it’ll go entirely pear-shaped sooner rather than later. It’s another ten minutes before someone knocks at the door and by time she has cleaned and reassembled her shotgun as well as gotten down the ammunition for it. A single bag with two changes of clothes rounds out her things and – oh almost forgot the damn passport. Lose her head if it wasn’t screwed on.

===

“Well, I know that Charles! However, I feel like I owe Peggy something of a debt – she took a chance on me when no one else would and now here’s a flame just… Honestly, it was bad enough when he destroyed SHIIELD and put a target on the back of thousands of innocent people. Huh? Oh, Peggy’s boy Tony has been dealing with all of that. Well, you know he has those clever little programs..? Right, but not like Ultron – um more like that Vision fella. Actually, Vision apparently was poor JARVIS and now he’s got one named FRIDAY. Oh? Charles don’t be an ass – but just think! You get to put a few holes in a couple of rogue heroes, and you can’t tell me that doesn’t sound like fun! Oh no… no I don’t care if you kill ‘em just make sure it can be plausibly denied. Tony’s gal will handle it. Okay! The tickets should be there and I’ll see you over there.”

===

“Oh, really? And how is your mother dear? Of course she can – did I give her my email address? Now that’s enough of that. Just because I’m damn near ninety doesn’t mean I’ve lost my sense. Honestly, I’m more worried about you young folks and the electronic echo chambers you sequester yourselves in. Mm-hmm. Well then, who brought it up little miss sass? That’s what I thought. Now then do you still have your passport? If not I might – oh good job! And don’t forget your medication I’m not exactly sure of the conditions for medical treatment over there. That’s not what I meant and you know it. Ooh, you are simply awful little girl. Anyway, the tickets will be there at the desk… Well, Charles will definitely be there to meet you, but I have to go get Ace from Molly’s ranch. Well you know my building doesn’t allow large pets and also Ace literally breathes fire. Hmm?  Well I have lived there for something like forty years - I’m also a bit old for such a big change dear. Well, I’ll see you soon enough.  OK bye dear!”

===

It’s a bit cooler than she would have liked. Only a few years ago this would have been brisk but manageable.  As it is she tugs her coat a bit closer around herself and wishes Cpt. Rogers would hurry it up already. Briefly comes the thought that Pepper might have possibly been wrong and Rogers took his pretty little ass along a different route. Almost immediately she dismisses it as the airport is quickly emptied leaving only herself, Charles, Amelia, and Ace who snuffs at her knee completely unimpressed with local temperatures. Rubbing a gloved hand over his large head she chuckles quietly as he rolls his large red eyes at her. “Show time people. Make it quick and make it stick.”

===

Amelia flickers through the terminal keeping an eye for the Witch chit and the grizzled idiot with the arrows. She owes the Witch chit- and she plans on collecting, but for now she will simply keep an eye on them. “Ms. Sarah they are looking for Mr. Stark’s plane and hoping to distract his team with the captain.” A mutter from Mr. Alistair has her stifling giggles as Ms. Sarah sighs, “Thank you dear. Could you interrupt the proceedings by reintroducing these two lollygaggers back into things?” A vicious smile crosses her face as she answers, “It would be my pleasure.”

===

“You’re going to come with us because it’s us -” And then the sound of glass shattering greets the area as two human shaped projectiles go flying through the air towards them. A crack sounds and then something goes flying from the captain’s shield hitting the ground with a thud before a man in a… bizarre outfit appears. He seems to be struggling to breathe and his arm along with the left side of his body is heavily distorted. “Scott!” Staring around him shocked Rogers’ face quickly settles into outrage and anger. “Tony how could you?!  We were your friends! I-” “Do shut up Rogers. You’ve been an absolute ass and you know it. Now stand down like a good little tin soldier or be put down like the mongrel you are.”

Everyone’s head snaps to the little old woman who can’t be any taller than five feet if that. Even with a face creased with wrinkled and an outfit that wouldn’t be out of place on a Christmas card there is something about her that warns of danger. It’s probably the futuristic looking shot gun she has pointed at Captain America. Well that and the steel blue colored mutt that stands taller than her who appears to be drooling napalm or acid considering the condition of the tarmac. “What do you say Major Glory? I haven’t got all day, _Scandal_ comes on in just a few hours and I’m supposed to be live tweeting it.”

“Auntie Sarah!” “Sarah Jordan?” Said simultaneously it takes a moment to get through everyone. The red haired girl in the slutty leather outfit turns to Anthony with a frown, “Auntie Sarah? Exactly when were you going to tell anyone about this?” And that tone has no place here, “Excuse me? Yes, you the red-haired Jezebel in the fifty dollar whore outfit – I brought myself and I did it in concert with Anthony’s girl Pepper. Speaking of which, Anthony, you and I need to discuss how important communication is in a romantic relationship. Just because someone says they need a ‘break’ doesn’t mean they mean to ‘break-up’ with you. Honestly, I blame Howard for limiting your social interactions to television and English people suffering from British repression.”

The Iron Patriot is bent over laughing while Anthony flushes from hairline to neck as he carefully avoids looking anyone in the face. The child in the blue and red footie-pajamas seems to be confused. “Now then Rogers what do you say?” At that moment the long thought dead Sgt. James ‘Bucky’ Barnes makes an appearance along with some young Negro with a jet pack. Lovely. “Cap, what’s the plan?” And, of course, looking her right in the eye Peggy’s idiot old flame says, “We fight.” And for that he is definitely getting kneecapped because this is just a bunch of horseshit.

===

Sarah Jordan has always been something of a kick to the teeth. Knee-high to a grasshopper she nonetheless cowed pretty well all the boys in green and half the brass. Peggy had of course loved her and championed her given any chance. And that was great; she certainly deserved it considering she had no problem defending the little guys. The only real problem had been that Sarah could not stand him – she had been sure to make it known that Steve Rogers was completely unworthy of Peggy Carter’s affections. She had also made sure to make it known that she thought Steve Rogers to be a lunk-headed thug who couldn’t keep his fists to himself to save his life. Obviously, there had been no love lost between them, but to have her here now trying to screw him over again? And, of course, Tony would know her – they probably had it planned to play on his good nature or whatever. Well –

Scrawled on the ground Rogers finds himself staring up into the mischievous brown face of a girl who can’t be much older than that kid in the long-johns who stole his shield. That doesn’t explain how she took him down or why his ribs feel like he got monkey-stomped by a damn rhino or why the hell she’s so damn heavy… Actually, where the hell did she come from? A flicker and then an arrow goes through the empty air where once her head was. Oh, she must be like Wanda or Pietro or that weird kid who stole his shield and wouldn’t shut up. How many damn people did Tony bring to this showdown? Struggling up in time to see Bucky go flying past courtesy of a swipe by the thing pretending to be a dog Rogers can admit that he might be feeling a bit frustrated right now. It’s fine – he can do this all day.

===

“Okay, but why can’t I help? I’m not a kid.” Sure, and there is a simply lovely bridge to be had out in San Francisco Bay. “Well, I know that dear but really there isn’t any need for you to intervene. Besides which we both know you’re a bit young to be out here. Does your guardian know where you are right now?” The sudden bowing of his thin shoulders is all the answer she needs. “I hadn’t thought so, besides which the more variables on the field the more likely someone is to get hurt and you obviously wouldn’t want that, right?” The dear lad shakes his head, “Of course not – go have a seat on the sidelines help yourself to the basket I packed. I think you’re like the Earl Grey cookies I made. Go on.” He goes but he does so with such a hang-dog disposition he ought to win an Oscar.

Jim and Tony are already gearing up to demand a right to the field – as though that has ever worked with her. “Antony Edwin Stark! Do. Not. Sass. Me. I changed your diapers. I kissed your scrapped knees. I taught you how to properly break a man’s jaw. I did not teach you how to be a disrespectful little ass. Now park it or I will park it for you! And that goes for you too James Oliver Rhodes. March it!” Honestly she and the others have it well in hand.  An arrow is shot out of the air only a foot from her face and she smiles in the general direction of Charles’ sniper nest. Yes, well in hand.

Turning quickly she aims and shoots down an odd mechanical contraption Tony must have built. “Red Wing!” The Negro boy seems to be rather angry about his toy. It doesn’t matter as soon as he goes in the air Charles takes out one wing while she gets the other. Amelia jumps on his back and immediately slams his head to the tarmac knocking him out, and probably knocking a few teeth loose as well. Hmm, maybe a nice set of veneers or dentures will serve as a reminder not to fall into a cult of personality. Then again he’ll probably just double-down that’s certainly what Peggy was wont to do. Ah well it’s none of her business if people want to throw themselves on the wire for an idol made of fool’s gold.

Ace is standing between the lad in the awkwardly tight rubber suit and poor Barnes who never seemed to catch a break. Poor Ace doesn’t seem to know which one he wants to hate more – the cat thing or the ragged thing with the shiny arm. Thankfully Amelia decides to help out by taking on the cat thing and leaving Ace to have a field day with Barnes. With that out of the way Sarah finds she can focus on disarming the Robin Hood impressionist who seems to be focused on dear Vision. Which reminds her that she should probably empty the little witch’s brain pan when she has a chance -  if nothing else it’d probably save on a great deal of future trouble.

Of course that would be when the red-haired hussy in the impractically slutty outfit attempts to taser her. The stupid little girl seems a bit shocked when nothing happens, which is the perfect opportunity to catch her in the jaw with the butt of a shotgun. Of course, going by her style and her lack of decency she’s one of those godforsaken Room brats and not likely to stay down. This proves true when she performs a near impossible flip back to her feet – thankfully she isn’t wearing a shock-resistant suit and is bad at keeping hold of her little shock toys. “Have a nap dear and when you wake up we can discuss proper battle attire.” Giving a rather vicious kick to the side of the unconscious brat Sarah has to shake her head at how ignorant kids are these days – all flash and no sense.

Which is when she looks up to see a certain shield coming right at her face – thankfully Ace catches it like a Frisbee. He also puts several tooth-shaped dents in it, but realistically it isn’t like Rogers is going to need it for the conceivable future. Not a lot of shield tossing done as a political prisoner. Besides watching Rogers stomp his foot like a damn toddler is completely worth it. “Give me a break! What the hell kind of dog is that anyway?” Sarah shares a look with her mutt before sighing. “What kind do you think stupid? They had to test the serum on something that wasn’t human first. Wouldn’t want to lose any soldiers they didn’t have to. Covering up human experimentation is **_expensive_**.” Not that she’s bitter or anything, but Howard was a massive dick. Oh, well – “Sic him Ace!”

===

The Winter Soldier is right there – if he can get pass this girl then he can avenge his father. Sadly T’Challa is finding it difficult to do anything in regards to the freakishly Enhanced child who giggles as she plants her foot (yet again) into his face. “You do not understand what you are doing. I must -” And a quick knee to the stomach winds him before he can finish. Dodging a knee to the ribs and a kick toward his head he is unprepared for the shot that has him gasping on the ground. The ground which wavers worrisomely as his nose begins to run with blood. He is bleeding – he who has not bled since he was a child striving to please his father. His father… “Enough. Move or you will be moved – I will not be denied justice.” The annoying brat laughs and then vanishes.

A sound like buzzing and then the shadows explode into a confusion of darting punches and sweeping kicks. Every dodge he makes lands him into a suite of hits until he finds himself huddled on the ground protecting his aching head. “Are you done then? I hope so because damn that took a lot out of me… I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Mee-ma says I talk entirely too much. She says, “Darling you could talk the clouds from the sky, but only because they want to shut you up personally.” Mee-ma is funny.” Glancing up T’Challa can only groan as he realizes the girl is perhaps even younger than he thought. Shuri will never let him live this down. “How old are you?” She frowns pulling up her pink goggles to reveal eyes that are a solid black with pale green irises. “I’m fourteen you fucking pervert.” No, no Shuri will dog him with this until he dies. And then she will pray to their ancestors to remain him of his failure. Damn.

The horrible brat sits on his back then and continues talking about nothing as her high voice pierces his aching head like a drill. In the meanwhile he closes his eyes and imagines a better world where the few feet separating him from the Soldier were covered and he held Barnes’ still beating heart aloft for all to see. Opening his eyes he sees the Soldier struggle up, glance at him and his captor, and then turn away with a smirk. That settles it – before he can return home he must first destroy all the evidence of this fight and then skin Barnes alive. “Wow that guy is a dick. If you want I’ll help you kick his ass – but no killing ‘cause Mee-ma says.” On second thought this child is obviously going to grow up to be a great woman of merit. “Do you think it would kill him to skin him?”

===

Vision floats idly over by the jet his team arrived in. It was thought that having a rear guard would prevent any unnecessary confusion. Most likely it is just the others being wary of him. This is understandable… He cannot be sure of his own powers currently and there is also the issue of conflicting sympathies. Still… he is rather bored. The most interesting thing to happen thus far was Red Wing flying by, but that was at least ten minutes ago. Perhaps he should check? No. He is a team player, and the team wants him to stay here. Sighing Vision continues to float quietly allowing the fitful breeze to push him along. He would try connecting to the Internet, but last time he ended up on tumblr… never again.

===

He had never liked Stark. That guy was an absolute asshole – he was rude, his hair was stupid, nothing he said made sense, and he wouldn’t understand concepts like loyalty or responsibility if they dropkicked him in the face. Ultron was Stark’s fault – everything that followed could be blamed on him. Hell, he was the reason Wanda and Pietro joined up with a shit show like Hydra. So it should come as no surprise that Stark locked up poor Wanda for no reason, sold out Steve and his buddy, and called in some freak crew laid by a crazy old bat and her hell hound dog.

Speaking of which, if he can get the ghost sniping everybody they can probably turn this all around. Probably. That guy in the ugly suit was down for the count and Sam seemed to be in need of emergency dental surgery. Still they had Wanda, Steve, and Barnes so that would have to be enough. Not like he had any chance of taking on a Super Soldier. _‘So why the hell are you here?’_ It sucks that this thought is said in Laura’s voice because… because she has to understand, right? The world is in danger and he has to be there – she knew what she was getting when they got together. She has to understand, but will the kids? “Fucking Stark.”

“Vat hapven? Be ver in ze hermihal …and zhen – I do gnot know.”  It takes a minute to translate her mush mouth into English but thankfully he has practice. “Stark. It’s always Stark. The Ten Rings were apparently doing us a damn favor.” Barely Clint manages not to flinch at his own words, but it’s hard as he knows good and well Caulson would have his balls never mind Laura who loved Stark for some reason. Hell - if Rhodes or Potts heard him the only thing he’d have to look forward too is a shallow grave in the ass end of nowhere. Thankfully Wanda understands what he means as she slowly sits up with a hiss and a glare. “I bate vim. Tha vorled vould he a vater blace vitout vim.”

And then she is standing up and he opens his mouth to tell her to get down – her blood splashes over his face and into his mouth. His eyes burn with it but he can’t think pass the screaming and the unbearable heat as her powers lash out. There is a sound like a bolt of steel being shoved through a mountain of iron and the ground is heaving like a living thing. He has to get in front of this – he has to do something. _‘Perhaps it would have been better if she stayed at the compound.’_ And the edge of her power lashes out to slice his left cheek wide open. The corner of said lash also neatly puts out one of his eyes.  “Oh for fuck’s sake! Charles?” And then silence except for his moans and the crackling of cooling stone and metal. “Good riddance.”

===

It’s all come apart. Not a surprise considering everything. He could have told Captain America it would go to hell, but the damn fool was just as stubborn as always. _Do me a favor and stop getting into so many fights. I’ve only got so much flesh to bruise kid._ And the little idiot had just smiled. He ain’t never listen to no one – even his ma couldn’t get him to keep his head down. _I know he’s a handful, but he ain’t got a body except you Jim._ And she had said when she was laid up wasting away: _I need you to stick by him as best you can… but baby don’t drown with him._ And she had said when the light was fading from the room, was fading from her eyes, _You’re a good man… Do what you can. Just remember you can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink._ And he had said, “He ain’t a horse Ms. Rogers, he’s a damn mule.” Fuck.

Still he promised they would stick together until the end of the line. He had promised and if nothing else he is a man of his word… At least he thinks he’s a man of his word. Perhaps he could become a man of his word – it doesn’t matter. There is just the two of them now, the guy with the arrows is bawling over his face and the chick with the red lights is missing most of her head and the black guy is down along with the shrinking guy who might honestly have stopped breathing. So it’s him and th-the brat? No. It’s him and the punk… yeah. Although what the hell they’re gonna do against five Super Soldiers and the fucker with his codes… _For fuck’s sake punk, **just stand down**._ Oh, well.

Taking a running start the tackle from the mutt is an unexpected surprise and not the pleasant kind. Then again it’s possible he never liked surprises especially the kind that involves a hundred stones worth of mass crashing pell-mell into his already bruised ribs. Damn even with the healing factor that’s going to leave him limping along for a while. A snap of jaws big enough to take a limb off nearly costs him another arm. And like a bad joke he finds himself spinning about from the force of whatever shot his damn prosthetic off. It’s hard to think pass the pain, but if he doesn’t he’ll never have to worry about thinking again. That shouldn’t be a welcomed thought.

“Bucky!” And barely he dodges a shot that should have gone a mile wide. “Not now punk! Can’t quite remember the moves to this dance, and you ain’t exactly helping my case.” Of course, the fool ain’t gonna listening too busy panicking when he should have been thinking. They aren’t gonna punch their way out of this one, but the boy won’t think – it’s not surprising he simply wasn’t taught to do so. In their neighborhood thinking kids either learned to fight or they learned to keep their fat mouths shut. On top of that getting another day under his belt meant Steve had to focus on bullying his way through every breath and wheeze and complication.

Briefly comes the fact that he’s being backed into a corner and then his ankle is obliterated in a spray of bone and viscera. That’s at least an hour just to have something to operate on and at least another week just to have something functional. Shit. “Okay. I’m down. I surrender.” The mutt looks at him with something a bit too close to human levels of intelligence for comfort before settling across his stomach and the upper portion of his thighs. Across the way the guy in the weird cat suit waves in concert with the kid sitting on his back. Right. All things considered now might be a good time for a nap. At least it’d take his mind off the pain and the jeers of a certain pair. “Karma’s a bitch, huh Bucky?” Assholes.

===

Oh god - they shot Bucky! He didn’t do anything wrong! He’s innocent! He’s – It takes a moment for Rogers to realize that he is 1.) on the ground and 2.) there is a massive mess of pain and ground beef where his knee should be. “Thank you Charles. I had promised myself I would cap the stupid fucker and well… Here is where we find ourselves. Honestly, I’ve wanted to do that for ages. No, if it were just that I would have aimed for his crotch instead.” That evil bitch shot him. He should have pushed her off that balcony when he had a chance all those years ago. “Stay down Rogers or so help me I’ll shoot you again. Unless you like the idea of being Ms. Rogers I suggest you obey.” She might be a heartless, senile old hag but the conviction in her voice leaves no room for doubt.

The sound of brisk steps, because unlike Peggy this withered old cunt had been allowed to keep her mind and body mostly intact. It isn’t fair. Why couldn’t it have been the other way around? A pair of New Balance tennis shoes enters the corner of his vision before Sarah squats to get a good look in his eyes. “Alright Rogers, roll over and explain to me what the hell is wrong with you? You’ve always been two steps from insubordination, but usually you have a better reason then this for going off the script.” For a minute he thinks about putting his head down and ignoring her, but honestly as unfair as she could be Sarah never backed away from the truth. She’d understand even if Tony wanted to be a slack-witted shit-for-brains fuckup.

“You’ve heard of the Accords, right?” And she nods because of course she has. It seems like everybody was in the know about the damn things except the people it would affect the most. “So you have to know that they are just a scam by shady organizations to tie our hands and puppeteer us, right? I mean if everything was on the up and up why the hell didn’t we know anything until the incident in Lagos?” For a moment it looks like she wants to interrupt, but then she nods and lets him continue. Honestly, he could just about kiss her – she is legitimately the first person to really listen besides Sam. Maybe she could knock some sense into Tony and the others. Or maybe not – Tony was hardheaded and Rhodes would follow whatever he said.

Still, “Okay. So then, I was going to just refuse to sign and then – I don’t know. Maybe sue for the right to refuse or something? Either way before anything could come up King T’Chaka was murdered by Zemos in some weird sort of mask and Bucky – you remember Bucky – was framed. Then Sharon… um Peggy’s niece?” A roll of the eyes, “Yes I know about little Sharon… and her enormous crush on you.” She laughs as he flushes, but it’s almost nice like back in the mess hall or sitting around the canteen. “Okay, so Sharon tells us, me and Sam, that there are shoot to kill orders on Bucky. I- I couldn’t let them hurt him never mind kill him for something he didn’t do. So, me and Sam, we went to go save him from the hit squad. That’s when that fella over there dressed as a cat got involved. And yeah I know that maybe we all got a little out of hand, but accidents happen and it was an innocent man’s life on the line.”

He’s telling it wrong. He can tell he is because her face has closed off like ice sealing over a hole. Bucky could – would tell it better if he weren’t – There isn’t any help for it but damn he wishes Sam were awake. Sam knew how to talk to people and get them to listen. “Okay, so we got taken in and I was sitting with Tony and he was promising to fix everything, okay? And then he said that Wanda- ‘ _Wanda is dead’_ – was locked up in the compound like some poor Jap in an internment camp from the War. I couldn’t let that slide. I couldn’t.” Because Wanda was innocent like Bucky was innocent like Tony was not innocent. But he couldn’t say that because Sarah would side with Tony because they know each other, and that isn’t fair because everyone is mad at him for siding with Bucky and Wanda – even though he’s the **only one who knows them**.

Still she hasn’t yelled at him so he needs to finish, “So I was upset and I refused to sign again. Then Zemos pretended to be a headshrinker and he set off the Winter Soldier program. And I know what that looks like, but you know Bucky! He isn’t like that and Hydra is the real problem here. It’s why I’ve worked so hard in the past couple of years to take them all out. Okay, but- okay so I stopped Bucky, but we had to run because they wouldn’t listen. And then Bucky told us about the other soldiers and how much worse they were compared to him… so we needed reinforcements and I needed to save Wanda. That’s how Clint and Wanda and Scott got with us and well – that’s how we got here.” He should have told it better – if he had told it better Sarah wouldn’t be looking at him like he was some sort of maggot.

“Alright Rogers let me explain the reality of the situation for you. First off most people will never get a hand in dealing with the legislature that affects their life. The most contact most people get is the chance to elect gents and ladies who have the courtesy to use lube and give a reach around versus staging a gangbang with lube made from ghost peppers and sandpaper condoms.” The sound of Tony and Rhodes cackling is all that keeps Steve from choking on his own spit. “Language Sarah – for God’s sake there are children present.” Blinking Steve has to wonder where in the hell the human scarecrow towering over Sarah came from. Also why he has an ancient sniper rifle when he’s obviously blind. “Mind your gaping mouth captain least you invite flies.”

“Thank you Charles. Anyway, so the fact you had any say is honestly a point against. Another point against you is that it’s not like the Accords came out of nowhere. Did you not see the events of Johannesburg? Were you not present for that dust up in Texas I think it was with that blond Alien? Or what about the mess you made in Bucharest and Berlin? And that all pales in comparison to the events of Sokovia. Yes, you are the heroes of New York – but fame will only carry you so far. At a certain point people will want to know what you’ve done for them lately versus what you’ve done in the past.”

Shaking her head the tiny woman can only groan, “How the fuck stupid are you? Didn’t you think people might possibly be sick of you and the clusterfuck SHIELD has become? Honestly, I’m surprised no one was absolutely raising Cain, Abel, and Seth over floating aircraft carriers in the goddamn sky! For Heaven’s sake and Hell’s damnation five slack jawed fuckwits on the ground isn’t a patch on a massive American funded, American built, American staffed, American based mobile base/ WMD run by an unaccountable shadow council… but of course I’m old and therefore my opinion counts for nothing.  Oh, didn’t you know? Pegs gave me her voting share once the dementia got too far along. I personally voted against the Helicarrier and your ignorant ass being defrosted. I had a sinking feeling you might have been left a touch simple from freezer burn to the brain.”

He wants to bite back, but of a sudden all the fire leaves Sarah’s face and she is just a very tired old woman dealing with the ghosts of the pass and her own loss of power. The scarecrow, Charles, pulls her up against his side and some part of Steve hopes it’s because he’s her fella. At least someone should be happy if not him and Peggy. Although Peggy had… Peggy had some guy named Dan. And just like that he feels just as tired as she does. Maybe this was all a mistake, but then again he promised he’d stick with Barnes until the end of the line and that’s all to it. He fucking promised.

“Captain, or rather Private, you missed a lot of things. One of the most important were the trials we held for the Nazis and their sympathizers. Many things came up, but the most important of them was that “just following orders” was not an excuse for doing wrong. If you are given an obviously bad order and you complete it then you are just as guilty as the person who gave it. On the other hand if you are given an obviously bad order you can fight it starting with refusing to obey it.” And she clearly doesn’t get it, doesn’t get that men like Ross aren’t people who follow rules like that. If he were then he wouldn’t have presented the Accords to them. Lik-like back in the war, when the Colonel had ignored the brass and given Steven the ability to do what he needed to for everyone’s safety.

He’s shaking his head, but all she does is sigh. “It comes down to accountability Steven; it always does, because lack of accountability is how you end up with atrocities. A person can be any number of things, but people are inevitably stupid, selfish dickheads functioning from the lowest common tie between them. And that tie is usually something malicious like hate or paranoia or rampant tribalism. Like what you did here.” Here being an airport that looks a bit worse for wear around which are scattered the broken bodies of the team he led into this.

“I-I… Accountability is why I had to be the one to bring you in. I saw you at the funeral – yes I was there, not that you would have noticed at the time. I was there and I watched you disappear inside your own head as Sharon talked you around to the exact worst place to be. You aren’t standing by the river of Truth, you refuse to compromise, refuse to stand in the other side’s shoes. Dear heart, you haven’t been saving anyone, except maybe Barnes over yonder and while under better circumstances that would be admirable you did it at the cost of other people’s lives and health. Sixteen people are dead and many more injured because the truth of recent events didn’t matter – only your need for the echo of your friend because you never moved pass him falling.”

Steven covers his face because he can’t do this right now. He can’t have someone picking away at the wound in his heart. Except he isn’t going to get a choice and Bucky is right there and Tony is right there and Sarah is telling them things they have no right to know. Yeah, he fucked up but that doesn’t mean –  “Sarah, stop. I-I honey please stop. I get it. I do. I screwed the pooch and I’m sorry. I did it – it was me.” The problem is that if Steven is a dog with a bone then Sarah is a damn pit bull with its jaw locked tight. She isn’t going to listen, she isn’t going to listen, why the hell won’t she listen?! “Now? Yes, now you failed to step outside your head long enough to think of what Bucky needs and what responsibilities you hold to the greater world. And it’s because you could never see that the fall from the train wasn’t a failure – it was a tragedy and a damn shame. Not least because I have always felt that we could have done better with you and your grief. So for that I sincerely apologize Steven.”

Slowly dropping his arms Steven turns to look at Sarah with mouth agape. Like so often in the last couple of years he’s found that he… that the world is swiftly tilting out from under his feet. Then again that could very well be blood loss. It definitely feels like he’s hallucinating since Sarah never apologized. _‘Apologies are for children and slackers and I thankfully am neither.’_ Howard had gotten such a laugh out of that, truth is so had he… and Bucky.  “Things change Rogers, but enough –I owe it to Peggy and her little Spy Club to see you through the tangle of a mess you’ve made. So I will, but don’t think for a minute I won’t bury a slug in your egotistical ass like my name was Bonnie and you a Pig.” A glance at the surroundings and then, “Have a nap Rogers; I’ll wake you when I need you.” Then the butt of her rifle comes down and he’s out.

With a deep exhale Sarah turns to smile at Alistair as she hands him her gun. “I may honestly be getting too old for all of this. Perhaps I will take up … woodwork? I always did like arts and crafts.” With more care then she’d like to admit to the eighty-year-old settles herself on Rogers’ hard as rock abdomen before pulling out a flash and taking a pull or two. “Sarah lass hush, you’re the very best of us and you know it.” Not that that means much considering how few of the old guard are still about. “Hmm, do you think you could do me a favor and have a look after the idiot holding his face over there? Last I checked the authorities and health services were fifteen minutes out so they should be here within the next five or so. Bad enough the insipid little idiot next to him got martyred; I’d hate to have him being held up as a victim as well.” Nodding the tall, pale man goes to have a look at the young buck who thought he could out snipe him. Children.

===

Whistling Rhodes can feel his cheeks aching from the smile plastered on his face. “I love that woman. Like – no wonder you have a thing for Pepper considering the women in your life.” The elbow Tones throws at him barely registers. The War Machine’s armor is the BEST. “Whatever Sugar bear she really is the best nana ever… I should totally adopt her. Hey! Maybe she’ll bring that little girl in the eye-sheering pink outfit over or playgroup with Spiderling.” Something that might be an irate ‘Spider – MAN’ can almost be heard through a mouth full of cookies. Probably not important – “Sure, but Wanda is dead and Vision is terrifying. What’s the plan?” Turning to look at Tones he can see the little genius wearing his mischief face. “It’s fine. Remember how that shrink guy is apparently up to no good? We’ll just tell Viz it’s his fault. And honestly that’s just about the actual truth of the matter.” On the one hand that could go badly, on the other hand that could be hilarious. “Make sure you send a Legionary to videotape everything.” And there’s the smile he hasn’t seen in ages, “Like I’d do anything else.”

…

…

…

A new challenger approaches - **SUPER BONUS  OMAKE**

Zemos darts around another corner knowing it’s futile. The damn can phase through fucking walls. It wants to kill him and nothing will stop the damn thing. Absurd. It’s all absurd and if it wouldn’t get him killed even faster he would probably dissolve into terrified giggles. Yes, he wanted to die and be with his family once he had broken the Avenger Empire. However, he wanted it to be a moment of pain before an eternity of happiness not an uncertain future of great pain and suffering. “There is no point in running. You killed my waifu – prepare to die.”

And that’s a lie. He hadn’t killed her – well okay he kind of had a hand in it, but honestly the bitch had it coming anyway. He knows she worked with that damn robot and he knows she helped ruin many Sovokian lives. It isn’t like she was a blameless innocent, but it also isn’t like he can explain that to the murderbot trying to end him right now. The Savior of Sovokia is going to kill him, how is this his life? He would blame Stark, but honestly he should perhaps have thought this through better. Wouldn’t it have been a more clever plan to kidnap and torture the Winter Soldier? An eye for an eye - everything Rogers held dear in payment for everything he had loved… Fuck.

“I can feel your panic. I can hear the beating of your heart as you cower and run like a rabbit in its warren. How long until you tire? How long until you collapse? I personally can do this all day – and night? I do not sleep. I do not eat. I have no desires, except your head on a platter by my dear Wanda’s grave.” What the hell do you say to that? Nothing. There is nothing to say or do except run and hope some avenue of escape appears. He should have thought this through better. He should have thought at all.


End file.
